Dear Jana,

My boyfriend just told me he’s moving back in with his ex-wife.

Apparently, their kids are struggling with the separation, and they’ve decided it’ll be better for everyone if they all live together again ‘for a while’.

He swears it’s purely for the children and there’s nothing romantic about it, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t panicking.

How am I supposed to trust that nothing will happen between them when they’re under the same roof, sharing dinners, parenting, and probably slipping back into old habits?

I want to be supportive, I really do.

But every part of me is screaming that this could spell the end of my relationship.

Girlfriend on the Sidelines

Dear Girlfriend on the Sidelines,

As a child of divorce myself, I can confidently say this plan is nonsense.

My parents split when I was in high school. I was secretly relieved, but my younger brother went off the rails – skipped school, acted out, and made life difficult.

But over time, it gave him resilience. With some therapy and tough love, he’s now a happily married environmental engineer with two gorgeous kids.

So no, his life wasn’t wrecked by our parents’ divorce. If anything, it taught him to adapt and move on – which is precisely why this idea that ‘everyone’s better off living together again’ is nonsense.

All it really does is delay the inevitable. It stops the kids from processing the separation properly, it blurs boundaries between the parents, and keeps everyone stuck in emotional limbo.

It’s the relationship equivalent of leaving a bandage half-on.

But, as frustrating as it is, it’s not really your place to tell your boyfriend this. What you can do is calmly point out that – while you respect his role as a father – you also have boundaries and feelings in this relationship.

Ask him where you fit into this plan. How long is ‘a while’?

What happens if he starts to rediscover old feelings for his ex?

And most importantly, how does he plan to maintain trust and transparency with you while living under her roof?

If he brushes those questions aside or makes you feel guilty for asking them, that’s your answer right there.

You deserve someone who can prioritise his children and maintain clarity about his romantic life – the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

You’re not being insecure – if anything, you’re being realistic.

A man moving back in with his ex-wife might sound noble – eye roll – but if he can’t draw firm emotional boundaries, it’s less about parenting and more about convenience – or worse, reconnecting with his ex.

Dear Jana,

All my friends have settled down with men who are… fine.

They look good on paper, they’ve got stable jobs, and they’re decent enough, but I wouldn’t exactly call them prizes. And I can tell my friends are bored.

One cheats, another treats her husband like he’s leagues beneath her, and the rest just seem to be simmering with resentment.

The irony? I’m the single one, yet they act like I’m the problem. Whenever we go out, they insist I’m ‘too picky’ and say it’s ‘time to settle down’.

Apparently, being single in your 40s is a bigger crime than being stuck in a miserable marriage.

I do want to meet someone special, but I don’t want to be like them. Am I right to hold out for real sparks, or are they onto something?

The Last Holdout.

Dear The Last Holdout,

You could be speaking for single women everywhere. Honestly, were you eavesdropping at my family’s Christmas? Because this sounds all too familiar.

At some point in your mid- to late-30s, everyone in a run-of-the-mill relationship turns into a self-declared love guru. They’ll swear they ‘just want the best for you’ – all while sitting next to someone who forgot their birthday and thinks foreplay is optional.

It’s maddening.

What I’ve learned is that these comments aren’t really about you at all. They’re about other people’s need to validate their own choices. Misery loves company, and nothing rattles a group of comfortable couples quite like a woman who’s happy to hold out for something that actually excites her.

So don’t take it personally. You’re not a problem that needs fixing – you’re just reminding them that they settled, and that’s hard to take.

Still, I get how tiring it is to smile politely while someone calls you ‘too picky’.

So here are a few sassy comebacks to shut that down fast: ‘I’d rather be single than someone’s emotional support human’; ‘Settling works for real estate, not relationships’; and my personal favourite: ‘Don’t worry, I’ll drop my standards when you raise yours.’ Always delivered with a smile.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for wanting more. Most people mistake comfort for compatibility – and push you to do the same to validate their own choices. But you can love your friends and still quietly decide their happiness isn’t your kind.

Keep your standards high, keep your heart open, and remember that peace is a far better bedfellow than a man who doesn’t truly make you happy.

Dear Jana,

There have always been rumours about my daughter-in-law being a flirt, and I’ve never truly believed she’s as faithful as she says.

Now she’s pregnant. While everyone’s celebrating, I can’t shake the feeling something is off.

I adore my son and know he’d make a great father, but I worry he’s leaping into a lifelong commitment without knowing for certain the baby is his.

I don’t want to seem cruel or paranoid, but I keep wondering how to bring up a DNA test before he gets too attached.

Is there a way to bring it up without completely destroying my relationship with my only son?

Worried Mum-in-Limbo.

Dear Worried Mum-in-Limbo,

I’m going to be brutally honest with you – and I say this with love – you’re giving a touch of Jane Fonda in Monster-in-Law.

Before you mention DNA tests, ask yourself: is this genuine gut instinct, or is a hint of maternal jealousy sneaking in?

It’s perfectly normal to feel protective when someone new enters your son’s life and shifts the balance.

I’ll admit, even my own mum struggled a bit when my brothers brought partners home.

It can feel like you’re being quietly replaced – first by a girlfriend, then a wife, now a baby. That’s a lot for any mum to process, and sometimes those feelings masquerade as ‘instinct’.

But if you genuinely believe something’s off, charging in and demanding a paternity test will only drive your son away. Nothing makes you lose influence faster than looking controlling – it’s how mother-in-law horror stories start.

Instead, trust him to make his own decisions, even if it means a few hard lessons. One of the hardest parts of motherhood is watching your child learn from their own mistakes.

If she’s as dishonest as you suspect, truth has a way of coming out – relationships built on lies never last long. But if you plant doubt and she’s innocent, you could damage his relationship and your own bond with him.

So take a breath. Step back. Be kind, even if you’re suspicious. Support him, show warmth to her, and keep a quiet eye on things. Soon enough, you’ll find out whether your instinct was correct.

And if your gut turns out to be wrong? Well, that’s a much better problem to have.